Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
1. Post about something that made you happy today even if it's just a small thing and even if it's just a one-line post.
2. Do this everyday for a week without fail.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
But this post isn't about my friendship with Linda... it is about her friendship with Alaina. Alaina announced today that Linda is her best friend (heart swelling). I was able to witness the love Alaina has for Linda and the love Linda has for Alaina today. These pictures say it all.
We waited at a tall fence for the train to arrive.
It was so hard for Alaina to see that I quickly hoisted her to my shoulders where she had an awesome view of the arrival. Look at this smile on her face! And then a wave to Santa.
Notice the two-fisted hair holding for comfort and the hands covering her ears avoiding the sound of the train. LOL
Her first touches from Santa. I was thrilled that she wasn't scared.
Sitting on Santa's lap - Check out that cheesy smile!
Jackson Parker Finley Madison
Jackson with Grandma
My sis, bro and I laughing in the kitchen
Grandpa with Paige and Brittany
Paige and Brittany - These girls hit it off so quickly. This is Paige's first cousin her age - and I'm so glad for it.
A sassy little girl
Lorie - the best aunt ever - giving Rylan his Christmas present - his very own guitar!
Uncle Jamie chatting with the little dude
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
But last night, I had somewhat of a realization to what it means to me.
Throughout our marriage, Palmer has been the strict parent, and I the laid-back parent. The more strict he was, the more laid-back I became. I was doing my best to try to strike a balance for the kids by counteracting his parenting style. So, when Palmer moved out of the house I went through a bit of a rebellion against strictness and became THE laid-back parent.
Well, what that has created is an environment for my kids with little boundaries and guidelines. Alaina pushes me to find out what the limits are - because they are so unclear to her. And the lack of consequences for bad behaviors just add more confusion to the mix.
I've recently implemented some guidelines for Paige about her chores, responsibilities and how she should be spending her time after school, and that has seemed to help. I've had to implement consequences once and she wasn't too happy about it, resisted, tried to talk her way out of it, but eventually accepted them.
Now it is time to implement some guidelines for Alaina. This will be a work in progress, as parenting a three-year old can sometimes be much more challenging than parenting the twelve-year old.
I've accepted the fact that I have to strike my own balance now. I have to be the one to have the right levels of being laid-back and strict. I can't just be the laid-back parent anymore. Being a single parent means I have to be both - and find the balance that works for me and my kids.
This will be a challenging journey for me, but one that will have positive results for all of us if I work through the challenges and succeed. My dad has always taught me that Life is all about the Journey, so I'm looking at this with a positive attitude and enjoy seeing what I can learn about myself and the kids in the process.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Yesterday was payday. Usually the day that people (like who me who live paycheck-to-paycheck) look forward to. Well, I'm grateful for payday, don't get me wrong. Without it..... well, I can't even go there. Anyways, I'm going through some major adjustments as I learn to live on one income. It is not easy, to put it mildly. I've cut back on almost every nonessential item and I've had to tell my kids No more times than I'd like. Christmas will be very light this year and I'll be one of those last-minute Christmas Eve shoppers for the first time in my life (I get paid on Christmas Eve).
Okay... back to the story. So yesterday morning I was feeling incredibly depressed. I've worked my budget a million ways and thankfully I would have been able to pay all of my bills.... BUT.... I'd then only have $10 to live on for the next two weeks. Well, we all know that is impossible. I need groceries and gas and lunch money for Paige and little things always pop up that are unexpected.
So after about an hour or so of stressing, I decided to tell myself "The Universe will take care of me." And it has. After making that mental adjustment I was able to rework my budget another time shifting some bills to next month and have some money to live on now! Whew! Great stress relief.
But now the good part... within an hour or so I get a surprise phone call from my sister, Lorie.
Me - What are you doing?
Lorie - Packing (sounding very sheepish)
Me - Packing for what? (sounding excited)
Lorie - to come to Kansas!
Hallelujah! I burst into tears. Lorie and her family (well part of them) are coming to Kansas for a surprise Thanksgiving visit. I haven't seen Lorie in a year and never met my baby nephew Jackson who is 9 months old now. I also haven't met my step-niece Brittany who is 13. I just cried on the phone with Lorie which of course meant she started crying... this is what we do to each other.
I just told her over and over what a blessing she gave me with that phone call.
So, I've had some amazing lessons and blessings for Thanksgiving and the day hasn't even started. I'm sure I'll be back with more.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Enjoy your day, enjoy your family, take time to relax and thank the world for your abundance.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
What Your Thanksgiving Meal Says About You
When it comes to the holidays, you follow and love the big traditions. You look forward to them every year.
You see the holidays as a time to be close to loved ones. It's a good time to reconnect and make memories.
You like the aspects of the holiday that remind you of your childhood - opening presents, treats, and old favorite foods.
During the holidays, you are likely to feel comforted. At your worst, you feel a bit over-indulgent.
You consider yourself a real red blooded American, and you're proud of it.
You tend to spend your holidays doing everything and anything. You really get into the holiday spirit.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I've have a hard time blogging lately. I want to get my thoughts out, but I've been overwhelmed with life in general, and I just can't get the words right. But, I figured at least an update would do.
1) My Dad - He had a couple of scans last week, and the doctor came dancing in the room with the results. His scans all appear clear of cancer. The lumps he was feeling recently as the swelling in his legs decreased are just fluid pockets. Speaking of the swelling.... he has been going to a lympadema clinic daily for weeks now, getting his legs wrapped with compression bandages from the foot to the hip. Each toe even has to be wrapped separately. It is a rather tedious process, but it is working! His body is learning to flush itself of the extra fluids. He has ordered compression stockings, which he'll wear daily for the rest of his life. Hoping those arrive this week.
2) Alaina - Alaina is pottying! I haven't bought a pack of diapers in well over a week. I declared this house to be diaper-free. So, she can wear a diaper or pull up at bedtime and nap but all other times she wears panties. She also spends quite a bit of nakie time. I told her she could wear diapers/pullups at the babysitters and Daddy's house, but not here. She transitioned well into that idea, and has begun using the potty at the other houses too. Yesterday she only needed one pullup at the babysitters because she used the potty all day. I'm so proud of her and glad that we are making this transition.
3) Paige - What to say about Paige..... well she is in that tweendom stage that is so exasperating and energizing all at the same time. We have those moments where we can't stand each other and have to be in separate rooms, and then the others where she can't wait to share with me all of the secrets and stories of her life, and just talks a mile a minute. She brought home her progress report from school yesterday, and there are a few grades she could be working harder on. I'm going to start requiring a little more effort on the school front.
4) Chelcie - We talk to Chelcie every week, and I miss her dearly. She is doing very well though - so I'm glad she is in the environment that she is. Her grades are great - she is studying hard and really putting forth the effort it needs. She will be turning 16 yrs old in a few weeks, and I just can't believe my baby is growing up so fast.
5) My Mom - She is retiring! December 31st is the official day. I'm so happy for her to make this transition so she can enjoy traveling and all the crafts she loves. My parents are planning to spend the entire month of February in Florida at my grandmother's house and are also crossing their fingers for tickets to the presidential inauguration in January.
6) The Economy - Wow... what to say. It is taking its toll on so many, and the state government is no exception. Work has been crazy as we look at ways to cut costs without hurting programs, a very difficult task. And, for my personal economic issues... I'm planning on taking a second job very soon. Still looking and trying to find one that will fit my schedule. This paycheck-to-paycheck stuff is for the birds!
So, that is the general update on life! Now that I've caught up, I might actually keep bloggin!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
I've been blessed with the Bookworm Award by my friend Anna.
Here is the rule for the award:Pass it on to five other bloggers, and tell them to open the nearest book to page 46. Write out the fifth sentence on that page, and also the next two to five sentences...The CLOSEST BOOK, NOT YOUR FAVORITE, OR MOST INTELLECTUAL!!
Okay - so the closest book to me is Possessions by Judith Michael. I got this one in a stack of passed-down books from my Dad. I have no idea what it is about. So - here goes...
It was impossible to understand. Where are you? Kathering cried silently. This is your family; I shouldn't be here without you... we should be here together.
Interesting... very interesting.
So - now the award goes to....
And.... I can't think of anyone else who hasn't already been tagged! If you read my blog and want the award - let me know~
I'm feeling like I have more love to give, then people to give it to. More nurturing to offer then people in my life that need nurturing.
I feel kind of raw and emotional.
I'm so used to being in control of my emotions - and having things figured out. And I just don't like this!
It is like my arms and my heart feel empty.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
"Mr. Langdon, I did no ask you if you believe what man says about God. I asked if you believed in God. There is a difference. Holy scripture is stories...legends and history of man's quest to understand his own ned for meaning. I am not asking you to pass judgment on literature. I am asking if you belive in God. When you lie out under the stars, do you sense the divine? Do you feel in your gut that you are staring up at the work of God's hand?"
"Religion is like language or dress. We gravitate toward the practices with which we were raised. In the end, though, we are all proclaiming the same thing. That life has meaning. That we are grateful for the power that created us."
"Faith is universal. Our specific methods for understanding it are abitrary. Some of us pray to Jesus, some of us go to Mecca, some of us study subatomic particles. In the end we are all just searching for truth, that which is greater than ourselves."
"Science tells me God must exist. My mind tells me I will never understand God. And my heart tells me I am not meant to."
Monday, November 10, 2008
My last post indicated that my heart is with him, and in many ways it still is and always will be. But, we realized that things were moving way too fast and we have so many issues to resolve. I'm just not sure where this is going right now, what path I'm on, or where we'll end up.
I do know that happy times are ahead, whether we are together or not.
Friday, November 7, 2008
She started her morning by announcing - "Happy Birthday to Me!"
I'll have pictures to add after her birthday party tomorrow, but for now, here are some random things she said today.
"When I wake up, I gonna go outside and see a hippopa-a-mus. And I gonna say hippopa-a-mus"
"Paaaaiiigggeee. Teach me how to use the Cammmm-ra"
"Daddy - I'm three! (and after he mentioned birthday presents) I gonna get a doll, and a new elmo, and new shoes.... new light-up shoes. Daddy? My Dora shoes don't light up!"
"Thank you for the stars mommy" (foil stars for her new reward chart started today)
and best of all...
"Mommy I like you"
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Immediately after Palmer moved out of our house, I busied myself with re-decorating and changing the house so that I could feel like home. And it worked for awhile.
But tonight sitting home alone, I began to cry. I knew that the only place that is home for me, is with him and our children.
Home is where the heart is... and my heart is too far away for my comfort.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
We went on a date tonight. And while we were driving, a song came on that is one of Palmer's favorites. He listened to it with a whole new perspective, realizing that this song is really all about us and what we are going through right now. It is the new "our song."
I don't know what was said, my baby
I thought that everything was fine
You say you got to get away
to find yourself, mmmm
Now lady, can't you tell
it's written all over my face
My days and nights would be a living hell
if you go away
So think about the misery
that you're gonna put me through, ooooooh
Goodbye, Doesn't mean a thing with you and I
Our love has stood through the test of time (Yes it has)
If you're planning to leave me behind, oh
Let me put one more thing on your mind
If you ever need my baby, send for me
I'm just a telephone call away, send for me
Put a message in a bottle baby baby, send for me
See you're my everything, sweet baby
My whole world revolves around you
Nothing is what I am,
without you here in my life
Send for me
Send for me
Send for me
Monday, October 27, 2008
Mojo has a very interesting story about how he joined our family. We met Mojo on October 1st, though it took a few days for him to have a name.
I was out in the backyard after work, watching Alaina jump on the trampoline, when I saw this cute little orange kitten in the backyard. I pointed him out to Alaina and went inside to get Paige. The kitten was scared, and only let Paige get a few feet from him before running and hiding. At one point she managed to catch him and then screamed at me for help - I ran over and picked him up but had to drop him after he scratched the heck out of me. He was one skinny and scared kitten.
He was hiding underneath the shed. Paige spent almost two hours outside with him, talking to him, offering him food and trying to coax him out. No luck. So, after getting Alaina to bed, I went outside to smoke and watched for him. He pranced around the backyard, pawed the ground and purred. He clearly wanted attention but was scared to get too close. He'd come under the table where I was sitting, but wouldn't come close enough to let me pet him. Finally I decided to go inside and just leave the back door open and see what happened. It took him a few trips up and down the back stairs, and a few moments of laying on the top step right outside the door before he came inside.
That first night, he was so scared. He hid, and hissed if we got close to him. We didn't know what to expect. I knew he was sweet inside, because of all of his purring and prancing, but was worried about his fear of us. Paige and I didn't know what to do with him. We finally caught him by throwing a towel on him and I scooped him up and put him in the bathroom with food, water, and a litter box.
It was then, that Paige and I stood in the kitchen trying to decide what to do. Would he get along with Tiger (our 8 yr old cat)? Would he continue to hiss? Would he grow to love us? We thought about letting him back outside, but didn't know what we should do. It was then, as we were standing in the kitchen, that my foot kicked a piece of paper on the floor. I leaned over to pick it up and see what it was - and was shocked by my discovery.
It was an old vet bill, for Tiger. From 2002!!! A 6 yr old bill, that I haven't seen since I got the bill somehow managed to find its way to my kitchen floor - which had been cleaned that weekend! It isn't like my house is a mess with a hodge-podge of stuff laying around everywhere.
I almost had tears in my eyes when I looked at Paige and told her that this was our sign. This kitten was to be ours. He'd found his forever home and we'd love him and take care of him.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Look at my two amazing girls having a blast screaming and splashing and being wild. I truly enjoyed them and felt blessed by single parenthood tonight. I could let them scream as loud as they wanted, laugh as much as they wanted and splash a few gallons of water all over the bathroom. They had so much fun. I caught some on video - where you get to see all sides of my kids... Paige's fun silly side - and her almost swearing side too. Alaina's adorable giggles, but also her aggressive side as she scratches her sister. This is a great video that shows off my kids personalities in so many ways. I love them to pieces!!!
Enjoy! Oh yeah... brace yourself... the video starts with a piercing Paige scream.
Monday, October 20, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
But the process is underway; I've started and will keep plugging away at it daily until it is done. There are a million forms to complete, parenting classes to sign up for, and money needed for the filing fees. Lets not forget the ongoing discussions with Palmer on visitation and other issues that need to get worked into the paperwork.
I'd tried to get him to sit down with me so that we could get this done together, but as was the norm throughout our marriage, he thought I'd just do it and present it to him to preview. I keep asking myself why I expect more from him now than I did during the relationship.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
I used a few choice swear words to describe McCain in my mind and discussions with a friend after the debate, which I'll try to refrain from using here. But there are thre are three primary issues that infuriated me about tonight's debate.
1) I first called Bullshit when McCain announced that Sarah Palin is a role-model to women. Um - thanks but no thanks. Palin is an insult to women and McCain's philosophy that just because she is a woman that all women support her is completely offensive. We are smarter than that.
2) McCain continued to link Palin with autism. Um - her child doesn't have autism - he has downs syndrome. Does McCain not know the difference between special needs? And, to set the record straight - while Palin and McCain may SAY that she is supportive of special needs kids and their families - the fact remains that she has waiting lists on special needs programs in her state - and slashed Alaska's special needs budget by 62% in her first year of office! Yes - that proves that she is supportive of special needs kids right? I guess you just have to say something to make it so.
3) McCain insulted women everywhere by laughing at the concept that a woman's health is not important when it comes to carrying a child. And I quote, McCain said with laughter about Obama with an insult to eloquence "He's health for the mother." He vowed to help women take care of the children they bring into the world. That is the second time I called Bullshit. My poor cat Tiger kept getting woken up by my hollering at the TV. LOL. Here is McCain's quote
"Of course, we have to work together, and, of course, it's vital that we do so and help these young women who are facing such a difficult decision, with a compassion, that we'll help them with the adoptive services, with the courage to bring that child into this world and we'll help take care of it."Right! Like McCain is promoting programs for young women raising kids in poverty - I think not. There isn't a damn thing he plans to do to help these women take care of their kids - what he wants is for them to hand them over to rich white people to raise. Okay - I better get off this soapbox or I'll never sleep tonight.
Now for Obama, I was impressed with his ability to remain cool and collected. He defended the facts when he found them important and let lots of little issues slide. He didn't waste his time trying to correct every single lie told about him tonight. That will come out in other discussions in the media. But he did a fine job of showing that he is presidential - he was not rattled by McCain and will not be intimidated in any forum as he represents our country.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Two years ago, a new family moved in next door. They have a little girl just 11 months older than Alaina, and a 5-yr old boy. Cute adorable kids. We didn't see them much, and I soon learned that Anne, the mom, was very sick with Lyme Disease. It has been a hard two years on her and the family. Through this time, we'd occasionally chat outside and always talk about getting together. She offered for me to stop in any time - but I'm no good at just spontaneously knocking on someone's door.
I'm so thankful that on Sunday, I was sitting on the porch when the family came home from an outing. Anne and the kids came over to join me. Alaina and Abby hit it off so quickly and the kids were all in and out of my house and their house while Anne and I sat and talked. We spent over 2 hours together and it was wonderful. She is open and easy to talk to. Although I know we have some spiritual differences, it isn't anything that will get in the way of our friendship - this I can tell.
Tonight, Paige, Alaina and I all went over for a visit. We had a wonderful time and I found out that Anne also had her kids at the birth center where mine were born. We share the same beliefs about natural childbirth - and she mentioned wearing a baby sling with her kids. She is a very gentle parent and so good with her kids. It seems I have found an AP friend - and she is right next door to me!
When we came home, Paige said that Anne is the best person she has ever met - she said - she could be my best friend! That made my heart melt. I was so glad that we all have clicked so well, and I look forward to many years of chats on the porch, walks with the kids and dinners together.
Shortly after coming home, I was upstairs with Alaina getting her ready for bed and Anne came by. She brought me lunch to take to work tomorrow, a chicken pot pie to thaw and fix for dinner some night and a loaf of bread. How sweet is that?
I feel truly blessed to be living so close to this amazing woman and family.
Monday, October 13, 2008
After my husband moved out of the house two weeks ago, I first took ownership of this space by doing a private cleansing and blessing ceremony. I burned sage, said some blessings over my home and banished the negativity. I welcomed in the positivity and haven't looked back.
Another stage of re-claiming this space as mine and all mine was to redecorate. I tolerated the blank walls and white spaces as a way to keep the peace. My life has been void of color for too many years and it was important to me that my home, and the home of my children be filled with color and warmth.
I had two days off from work, making it a 4-day weekend that I could focus solely on beautifying my space. The weekend included some fun shopping trips with Linda, my mom, and Paige to buy decorations and accents. My goal was to add touches to as many rooms as possible while keeping the expense to a minimum. I did great at this goal the first two days - but once I got started - I couldn't stop! I wanted the whole house to be done! So - I went a bit over budget and now have to re-work my finances for the month - but it was worth it.
I now have a warm and inviting living room - with colors of green and burgandy, candles lit, fluffy pillows, and art that I love. I have a dining room table thatis a joy to sit at - and will never again be a collection for mail and other clutter. I have a bedroom that is peaceful and brings me joy. New bedding set, furniture and curtains. This is my sacred place. I have new colors in the bathroom - that make me smile everytime I walk in.
I feel truly blessed for the hours that my best friend and mother gave to me this weekend to make this dream come true for me. There is more to do, but for now, I feel at home. Finally - I can say Home Sweet Home and know that it is true.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
1. Chelcie came back home to live.
2. I took a much-needed vacation with just the girls and I to colorado to visit friends.
3. My dad had surgery - 10 hours! to remove the cancer.
4. My dad got two infections and had to be readmitted to the hospital.
5. My parents spent about 5 weeks in Houston for my dad's treatment.
6. School started.
7. Chelcie got in trouble with a boy and her dad sent her back to live with her mom in Texas.
8. Paige celebrated her 12th birthday.
9. Palmer and I are getting a divorce.
10. Palmer moved out.
11. I'm redecorating my home and reclaiming my space
Whew. That was a lot. Now you know what has transpired in my life. I'll try to start blogging again on the little things in life and changes that transpire.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Just three weeks ago - we were all getting some good news about my Dad's cancer. His PET scan showed that his tumor was shrinking. The chemo had worked - and surgery was scheduled.
How quickly things can change.
My Dad felt a lump in one of his original tumor sites, and some pain along with it. Another PET scan was done - with bad results. The cancer had returned in the site that was previously removed - and the other tumor had grown.
In just three short weeks, we've gone from success to sadness.
I spent some time with my mom yesterday - and I asked her how she was feeling - where her mind was at. Now - my mom is a very strong woman - very rational - often lacking in emotion - but not in a bad way. She is just a very logical thinker. So - to see her cry is hard for me. It is not a common sight.
Her answer to me was that part of her is thinking about what is coming next and planning to go to Houston for surgery. The other part of her is (and this is where her voice choked) thinking about how her life will be without Don.
It made me so sad to hear that - to imagine how hard it will be if we lose my Dad. My parents have a very deep true love. They've been together for 41 years. I can't imagine my mom having to live her life without my Dad. Who will she be if she has to live without him?
These are thoughts I don't want to have. I don't want to imagine this as the result.
Last night my mom and I talked about how to be realistic while at the same time how to have faith that he'll beat this. It is a hard balance to try to find. It is a conversation I believe we'll have many times...
Monday, July 21, 2008
By Bob Rowland
(from a poem in WITNESS magazine
I was hungry
And you formed a humanities club
And discussed my hunger.
I was imprisoned
And you crept off quietly
To your chapel in the cellar
And prayed for my release.
I was naked,
And in your mind
You debated the morality
Of my appearance.
I was sick
And you knelt and thanked God
For your health.
I was homeless
And you preached to me
Of the spiritual shelter
Of the Love of God.
I was lonely
And you left me alone
to pray for me.
You seem so holy;
So close to God.
But I’m still very hungry,
And lonely, and cold…
Sunday, July 20, 2008
A little bit of background.... I've not felt comfortable at my home church for over 2 years - almost three now. But, I continued to attend for the benefit of my big girls. They'd formed lots of relationships there and it is the only church home they've known. They continued to attend church even when I stopped, getting rides with various friends. I supported their beliefs and appreciated that they respected the space I needed, even though they had no real knowledge of why I wasn't attending church with them.
So, yesterday, my dad mentioned that he'd be preaching today. For those who don't know, he is a retired ordained minister. I haven't heard him preach in quite some time, and I miss it. It is one of the primary reasons that I've struggled with my faith as an adult. My faith was always associated to my father, and after his retirement - it was difficult for me to find my own path.
I decided to join him at church. He attends a very progressive church that is more open and affirming then any church I've visited. I attended alone - I wanted a chance to really pay attention to the service without the distraction of my children.
His sermon was wonderful. He preached on a topic that I've heard him speak on many times, as it it was the true basis of his life-long ministry and my upbringing - the importance of fighting for social justice.
Then it came time for the communion. I immediately noticed that this church did communion different than anything I'd experienced. When they offer the bread and juice - the place it in each person's mouth, lean forward, place their hands around the person's shoulders and pray with them. Each person is prayed for individually. It is a private prayer, only those in the immediate group can hear the words. It was special - it was clear to all who participated. My dad expected me to go with him. I got nervous at the last minute and told him I'd not be taking communion. He had an expresion on his face that I can't quite explain. I'm not sure what the emotion was- surprise, disappointment, sadness? I saw him walk up there on his own. And this is when the beginning of my spiritual moment occured. I looked at him - and had the strongest urge in my gut to join him. I heard a message - I'm not sure exactly what it was - it could have been "you need me" or "he needs you" - either way - I knew I needed to be with him. I jumped from my seat and hurried up to him. Thankfully he caught my eye and saw that I asked him to wait.
I've never had someone pray over me in quite this personal of a way. I've participated in many prayers - I've offered prayers - but never has someone touched me so tenderly and held me while praying over me. I cried - and cried. I had my arm around my dad's back - and just held on to him. I let the tears flow freely. It was a freeing experience.
Since then - I've wondered why this meant so much to me, whether it was my Dad's cancer - and the seriousness of this week as he plans to journey to Houston again for what we hope is his final surgery. I'm trying not to over-analyze this - as I tend to do. So for now I'm just enjoying this beautiful moment I had with God, my dad, and some very loving strangers.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
It is such a wonderful feeling to finally have a documentary that is targeted towards the mainstream that confirms all I've known and experienced about my own childbirths.
I love seeing Ina May after being such a fan of hers and learning so much from her experiences.
It was awesome to hear other women who've had natural births talk about hitting the wall - the fear that you can't do this - and then being able to push past that and do it anyways. And the extreme euphoria after birth - the empowerment - the feeling that I could do anything, I'd never give it up.
If you have not yet seen this film - you must. Take the time. Even if you aren't planning children or planning on more children. Arm yourself with the information so you may share it with others.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
The Bridesmaids: Me, the Groom's daughter, the Bride's Sister, and the Bride's Cousin.
Here is Linda - full of energy and excitement!
The Beaming Bride, with pastor Rudy looking on.
The newly married couple!
~~ The new family ~~
The Wedding Party
~~ The Happy Couple ~~
Monday, July 7, 2008
So, today we talked about vacation we are taking in August. We talked about the drive, who was going with us and who we are going to visit. She was so excited! I told her all the names of our friends we'll see on the way... Corey, Rhetta, Willon, Whit, etc etc and with each name she repeated it with this high-pitched voice, almost a squeal. She was so excited.
So, I told her we were going to Corey's house and she promptly said "That'd be fun! I'm gonna camp out!"
Hmmm - we've never camped out before, nor did we talk about camping at Corey's house, so I was curious where she got this. I say "What do you know about camping out?"
"Hmmm... Let me think." I'm driving and can't see her expression in the mirror - but I can just imagine her finger on her chin with the Steve from Blues Clues thinking look.
Then she states "I need to camp to look up at the stars and see what they are doing."
Oh my sweet girl. She has her own ideas about beauty and I love it. At two years old she is excited to camp and look up at the stars. So - that we will do! We'll lay on blankets in Corey's yard at night and look at the stars so my little girl can see what the stars are doing at night.
This man means the world to me. My father is an amazing person. I've known this for as long as I can remember. But somehow I'm just so touched tonight by all the other people in his life, most that I don't even know that care about him.
He is my Dad. I'm supposed to love him, understand him, and appreciate him. But seeing all of the other people in his life that care about him so deeply and are joining him on his journey is just very touching to me.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
What These Fireworks Say About You
You are deeply passionate about a few things in your life.
Everything else, you couldn't care less about.
Your passions tend to hold steady over time. If anything, they intensify.
Once you hold on to something (or someone), you don't let go!
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
I’m not a city girl – that city was just too busy for me. Too much commotion, too many people, too much partying, too many lights and noises. I was very much over-stimulated.
Rudeness in other people brings out rudeness in myself and I don’t like that – When we first arrived, I commented on how rude people were. Not paying attention when they walked, barging onto an elevator when the passengers hadn’t gotten off, encroaching on my personal space. What I didn’t like is that by the end of the trip, I’d developed my own rude behaviors. I felt as though I’d never catch an elevator or get through a crowd if I didn’t get rude right back. I didn’t like this – but I was in survival mode.
I’m in awe by scenery, of any kind – I had a beautiful view from my hotel room. I was on the 27th floor – and my hotel room had ceiling to floor windows along one wall of my room. My favorite spot was in a chaise lounge which was right in front of my window. I enjoyed that spot both day and night. During the daytime I could enjoy the mountains in the distance and at night, it was the lights of the city.
I don’t like to splurge money – Man that city is expensive!!! I hate throwing away money on food – why do they have to charge that much, just because they can?
I don’t like the manipulation of the casinos – Just because it was a casino, it seemed like standards in the hotel industry like free wi-fi, coffee in the hotel room , and a TV guide went out the window. Instead the hotel wants you to go down and stand in line to buy coffee in the morning, because after all – the coffee shops are on the casino floor. (insert eye rolling here). And why would they want you to watch TV and surf the internet in your room when you can be downstairs gambling?
I can live without APU – While I missed it – I certainly lived without it. I havce never taken an official break like other members and I probably would never have taken a purposeful break on my own – but the forced breack by my previously mentioned cheapness and lack of free wi-fi led me to an unforeseen APU break. I missed it – but managed.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
I'm so excited!
My BFF is a wonderful woman, and I'm so happy that she has found love with such an amazing man. He is really great - perfect for her.
The wedding is Saturday - which leaves us about 4 days of non-wedding duties to party it up in Vegas!
It is my first time in the city - and I am really looking forward to it. In addition, the time away alone will be a nice refreshment when I return to my family.
I'll be sure to post pics and stories of my excursions.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
I see her confidence building and her enthusiasm too too. She is going to be quite the athlete. She already has plans to cheer in high school, then at KU and finally as a Denver Broncos cheerleader. She has some good goals!
I know some people think that cheerleading is just a bunch of girls wearing short skits and trying to look cute. But - watching these girls practice you can see the true athleticism that it requires.
Now - I also got the list of items we need to buy (I'm scared). She needs practice tank, tee, and shorts. Warm up pants and jacket. Shoes. Uniform. Hair bow and maybe even some fake hair!! They all have to wear their hair the same for competitions and her hair might not style the same as the other girls. We'll have to do some work on that.
So - all in all - it was a positive night. I'm looking forward to her involvement.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Truthfully though, I did a lot of looking back for the first few weeks. After giving so much of myself to a company for 9 years and not getting the necessary appreciation in return, I left with quite a bit of bitterness. It doesn't help that I now still work with this agency, so I can't say goodbye to it completely. But, maybe it really has helped - helped me see all the horror that I left behind and the freshness and peace that I've stepped into. I know some of you think that I'm probably being a bit dramatic - referring to the horror. But really, that old job was a horror. But as this is about my fresh new place - I'm not even going to dwell on it.
So, for the last year I've gone to work everyday with a group of new people, made new friends, built relationships, gained confidence in myself and those around me and felt truly blessed to be in an environment where I can grow and give of myself wihtout fear of the consequences.
Not once, in the entire year, have I ever not wanted to go to work. Now don't get me wrong - I have my mornings after a night with little sleep where I don't want to get out of bed - but it has never been attributed to my job. Never have I dreaded going to work.
In this last year, I've learned that I can lead meetings with ease, discuss high-level topics with the elite management and hold my own. I've learned that work can be an enjoyment - a place of pleasure and peace.
I'm so grateful for this year, what it has taught me, and I look forward to the many more that are yet to come.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
So here we are!
Thank you, my friends, who enjoyed and read my previous blog - and are continuing on this journey with me.