Monday, October 27, 2008

The story of Mojo

This is Mojo - the new addition to our family.


Mojo has a very interesting story about how he joined our family.  We met Mojo on October 1st, though it took a few days for him to have a name.  

I was out in the backyard after work, watching Alaina jump on the trampoline, when I saw this cute little orange kitten in the backyard.  I pointed him out to Alaina and went inside to get Paige. The kitten was scared, and only let Paige get a few feet from him before running and hiding.  At one point she managed to catch him and then screamed at me for help - I ran over and picked him up but had to drop him after he scratched the heck out of me. He was one skinny and scared kitten.  

He was hiding underneath the shed.  Paige spent almost two hours outside with him, talking to him, offering him food and trying to coax him out.  No luck.  So, after getting Alaina to bed, I went outside to smoke and watched for him.  He pranced around the backyard, pawed the ground and purred.  He clearly wanted attention but was scared to get too close.  He'd come under the table where I was sitting, but wouldn't come close enough to let me pet him.  Finally I decided to go inside and just leave the back door open and see what happened.  It took him a few trips up and down the back stairs, and a few moments of laying on the top step right outside the door before he came inside.  

That first night, he was so scared.  He hid, and hissed if we got close to him.  We didn't know what to expect.  I knew he was sweet inside, because of all of his purring and prancing, but was worried about his fear of us.  Paige and I didn't know what to do with him.   We finally caught him by throwing a towel on him and I scooped him up and put him in the bathroom with food, water, and a litter box.  

It was then, that Paige and I stood in the kitchen trying to decide what to do.  Would he get along with Tiger (our 8 yr old cat)?  Would he continue to hiss?  Would he grow to love us?  We thought about letting him back outside, but didn't know what we should do.  It was then, as we were standing in the kitchen, that my foot kicked a piece of paper on the floor.  I leaned over to pick it up and see what it was - and was shocked by my discovery.  

It was an old vet bill, for Tiger.  From 2002!!!  A 6 yr old bill, that I haven't seen since I got the bill somehow managed to find its way to my kitchen floor - which had been cleaned that weekend!  It isn't like my house is a mess with a hodge-podge of stuff laying around everywhere.  
I almost had tears in my eyes when I looked at Paige and told her that this was our sign.  This kitten was to be ours.  He'd found his forever home and we'd love him and take care of him. 


Tuesday, October 21, 2008


Two girls in the tub!

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Look at my two amazing girls having a blast screaming and splashing and being wild. I truly enjoyed them and felt blessed by single parenthood tonight. I could let them scream as loud as they wanted, laugh as much as they wanted and splash a few gallons of water all over the bathroom. They had so much fun. I caught some on video - where you get to see all sides of my kids... Paige's fun silly side - and her almost swearing side too. Alaina's adorable giggles, but also her aggressive side as she scratches her sister. This is a great video that shows off my kids personalities in so many ways. I love them to pieces!!!

Enjoy! Oh yeah... brace yourself... the video starts with a piercing Paige scream.

Monday, October 20, 2008

A mother's guilt

I sit her tonight, alone, without my children. I am feeling guilty for not being with them. I know that this isn't necessarily a rational thought. They are with their father, who also loves them dearly. I have given of myself time and time again for my children. They are my world, and almost every hour (outside of work) is spent with them. Yet, in these hours alone in our home, I miss them. And I feel this gnawing inside of me that says I should be with them. Part of it may be the guilt of enjoying my time alone, enjoying my time not partaking in the chores of mothering. But it is the cuddles I miss most, and the sassy chat of my pre-teen. I hope they know in their hearts that their mom misses them.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Divorce Process

I started the divorce paperwork this weekend. I'd been procrastinating, which is fairly typical of me. When I find myself procrastinating something, I try to analyze the reasons why - and this one was fairly easy - it is hard work! There are no emotional attachments to the marriage that are stopping me in this. It is just the technicality of pulling together all the necessary information to get this done. It is like 3 times as hard as doing my taxes!

But the process is underway; I've started and will keep plugging away at it daily until it is done. There are a million forms to complete, parenting classes to sign up for, and money needed for the filing fees. Lets not forget the ongoing discussions with Palmer on visitation and other issues that need to get worked into the paperwork.

I'd tried to get him to sit down with me so that we could get this done together, but as was the norm throughout our marriage, he thought I'd just do it and present it to him to preview. I keep asking myself why I expect more from him now than I did during the relationship.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Jusin Nozuka

I've been admiring this brilliant song writer with a beautiful soulful voice for months now. I had the pleasure of seeing him in concert at the Bottleneck in Lawrence.

Here is one of my favorites: I'm in Peace

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The Presidential Debate

I finally had the opportunity to watch a complete presidential debate, uninterupted. The girls are spending the night with their dad so I had the house to myself.

I used a few choice swear words to describe McCain in my mind and discussions with a friend after the debate, which I'll try to refrain from using here. But there are thre are three primary issues that infuriated me about tonight's debate.

1) I first called Bullshit when McCain announced that Sarah Palin is a role-model to women. Um - thanks but no thanks. Palin is an insult to women and McCain's philosophy that just because she is a woman that all women support her is completely offensive. We are smarter than that.

2) McCain continued to link Palin with autism. Um - her child doesn't have autism - he has downs syndrome. Does McCain not know the difference between special needs? And, to set the record straight - while Palin and McCain may SAY that she is supportive of special needs kids and their families - the fact remains that she has waiting lists on special needs programs in her state - and slashed Alaska's special needs budget by 62% in her first year of office! Yes - that proves that she is supportive of special needs kids right? I guess you just have to say something to make it so.

3) McCain insulted women everywhere by laughing at the concept that a woman's health is not important when it comes to carrying a child. And I quote, McCain said with laughter about Obama with an insult to eloquence "He's health for the mother." He vowed to help women take care of the children they bring into the world. That is the second time I called Bullshit. My poor cat Tiger kept getting woken up by my hollering at the TV. LOL. Here is McCain's quote
"Of course, we have to work together, and, of course, it's vital that we do so and help these young women who are facing such a difficult decision, with a compassion, that we'll help them with the adoptive services, with the courage to bring that child into this world and we'll help take care of it."
Right! Like McCain is promoting programs for young women raising kids in poverty - I think not. There isn't a damn thing he plans to do to help these women take care of their kids - what he wants is for them to hand them over to rich white people to raise. Okay - I better get off this soapbox or I'll never sleep tonight.

Now for Obama, I was impressed with his ability to remain cool and collected. He defended the facts when he found them important and let lots of little issues slide. He didn't waste his time trying to correct every single lie told about him tonight. That will come out in other discussions in the media. But he did a fine job of showing that he is presidential - he was not rattled by McCain and will not be intimidated in any forum as he represents our country.

Go Obama!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


Friendship has never been easy for me. The friends I have are those that I've had for a long time - and making new ones often scares me. What if they won't like me? What if we don't have enough in common?

Two years ago, a new family moved in next door. They have a little girl just 11 months older than Alaina, and a 5-yr old boy. Cute adorable kids. We didn't see them much, and I soon learned that Anne, the mom, was very sick with Lyme Disease. It has been a hard two years on her and the family. Through this time, we'd occasionally chat outside and always talk about getting together. She offered for me to stop in any time - but I'm no good at just spontaneously knocking on someone's door.

I'm so thankful that on Sunday, I was sitting on the porch when the family came home from an outing. Anne and the kids came over to join me. Alaina and Abby hit it off so quickly and the kids were all in and out of my house and their house while Anne and I sat and talked. We spent over 2 hours together and it was wonderful. She is open and easy to talk to. Although I know we have some spiritual differences, it isn't anything that will get in the way of our friendship - this I can tell.

Tonight, Paige, Alaina and I all went over for a visit. We had a wonderful time and I found out that Anne also had her kids at the birth center where mine were born. We share the same beliefs about natural childbirth - and she mentioned wearing a baby sling with her kids. She is a very gentle parent and so good with her kids. It seems I have found an AP friend - and she is right next door to me!

When we came home, Paige said that Anne is the best person she has ever met - she said - she could be my best friend! That made my heart melt. I was so glad that we all have clicked so well, and I look forward to many years of chats on the porch, walks with the kids and dinners together.

Shortly after coming home, I was upstairs with Alaina getting her ready for bed and Anne came by. She brought me lunch to take to work tomorrow, a chicken pot pie to thaw and fix for dinner some night and a loaf of bread. How sweet is that?

I feel truly blessed to be living so close to this amazing woman and family.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Home Sweet Home

For the first time since I moved into this house - I can now call it a home, a safe haven, a place of peace and joy.

After my husband moved out of the house two weeks ago, I first took ownership of this space by doing a private cleansing and blessing ceremony. I burned sage, said some blessings over my home and banished the negativity. I welcomed in the positivity and haven't looked back.

Another stage of re-claiming this space as mine and all mine was to redecorate. I tolerated the blank walls and white spaces as a way to keep the peace. My life has been void of color for too many years and it was important to me that my home, and the home of my children be filled with color and warmth.

I had two days off from work, making it a 4-day weekend that I could focus solely on beautifying my space. The weekend included some fun shopping trips with Linda, my mom, and Paige to buy decorations and accents. My goal was to add touches to as many rooms as possible while keeping the expense to a minimum. I did great at this goal the first two days - but once I got started - I couldn't stop! I wanted the whole house to be done! So - I went a bit over budget and now have to re-work my finances for the month - but it was worth it.

I now have a warm and inviting living room - with colors of green and burgandy, candles lit, fluffy pillows, and art that I love. I have a dining room table thatis a joy to sit at - and will never again be a collection for mail and other clutter. I have a bedroom that is peaceful and brings me joy. New bedding set, furniture and curtains. This is my sacred place. I have new colors in the bathroom - that make me smile everytime I walk in.

I feel truly blessed for the hours that my best friend and mother gave to me this weekend to make this dream come true for me. There is more to do, but for now, I feel at home. Finally - I can say Home Sweet Home and know that it is true.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

A million changes

My life has changed in a million ways since my last blog entry. All the changes have kept me from writing, because it just seems so overwhelming - but if I'm ever to blog again, I must get this done. So here goes - in a nutshell this is what has happened since the last entry:

1. Chelcie came back home to live.
2. I took a much-needed vacation with just the girls and I to colorado to visit friends.
3. My dad had surgery - 10 hours! to remove the cancer.
4. My dad got two infections and had to be readmitted to the hospital.
5. My parents spent about 5 weeks in Houston for my dad's treatment.
6. School started.
7. Chelcie got in trouble with a boy and her dad sent her back to live with her mom in Texas.
8. Paige celebrated her 12th birthday.
9. Palmer and I are getting a divorce.
10. Palmer moved out.
11. I'm redecorating my home and reclaiming my space

Whew. That was a lot. Now you know what has transpired in my life. I'll try to start blogging again on the little things in life and changes that transpire.