Thursday, November 27, 2008

Thanksgiving Lessons and Blessings

I am truly feeling blessed today. Yesterday morning - not so much. Let me explain.

Yesterday was payday. Usually the day that people (like who me who live paycheck-to-paycheck) look forward to. Well, I'm grateful for payday, don't get me wrong. Without it..... well, I can't even go there. Anyways, I'm going through some major adjustments as I learn to live on one income. It is not easy, to put it mildly. I've cut back on almost every nonessential item and I've had to tell my kids No more times than I'd like. Christmas will be very light this year and I'll be one of those last-minute Christmas Eve shoppers for the first time in my life (I get paid on Christmas Eve).

Okay... back to the story. So yesterday morning I was feeling incredibly depressed. I've worked my budget a million ways and thankfully I would have been able to pay all of my bills.... BUT.... I'd then only have $10 to live on for the next two weeks. Well, we all know that is impossible. I need groceries and gas and lunch money for Paige and little things always pop up that are unexpected.

So after about an hour or so of stressing, I decided to tell myself "The Universe will take care of me." And it has. After making that mental adjustment I was able to rework my budget another time shifting some bills to next month and have some money to live on now! Whew! Great stress relief.

But now the good part... within an hour or so I get a surprise phone call from my sister, Lorie.
Me - What are you doing?
Lorie - Packing (sounding very sheepish)
Me - Packing for what? (sounding excited)
Lorie - to come to Kansas!

Hallelujah! I burst into tears. Lorie and her family (well part of them) are coming to Kansas for a surprise Thanksgiving visit. I haven't seen Lorie in a year and never met my baby nephew Jackson who is 9 months old now. I also haven't met my step-niece Brittany who is 13. I just cried on the phone with Lorie which of course meant she started crying... this is what we do to each other.

I just told her over and over what a blessing she gave me with that phone call.

So, I've had some amazing lessons and blessings for Thanksgiving and the day hasn't even started. I'm sure I'll be back with more.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Enjoy your day, enjoy your family, take time to relax and thank the world for your abundance.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

What Your Thanksgiving Meal Says About You

When it comes to the holidays, you follow and love the big traditions. You look forward to them every year.

You see the holidays as a time to be close to loved ones. It's a good time to reconnect and make memories.

You like the aspects of the holiday that remind you of your childhood - opening presents, treats, and old favorite foods.

During the holidays, you are likely to feel comforted. At your worst, you feel a bit over-indulgent.

You consider yourself a real red blooded American, and you're proud of it.

You tend to spend your holidays doing everything and anything. You really get into the holiday spirit.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

An update of sorts

I've have a hard time blogging lately.  I want to get my thoughts out, but I've been overwhelmed with life in general, and I just can't get the words right.  But, I figured at least an update would do. 

1)  My Dad - He had a couple of scans last week, and the doctor came dancing in the room with the results.  His scans all appear clear of cancer.  The lumps he was feeling recently as the swelling in his legs decreased are just fluid pockets.  Speaking of the swelling.... he has been going to a lympadema clinic daily for weeks now, getting his legs wrapped with compression bandages from the foot to the hip.  Each toe even has to be wrapped separately.  It is a rather tedious process, but it is working!  His body is learning to flush itself of the extra fluids.  He has ordered compression stockings, which he'll wear daily for the rest of his life.  Hoping those arrive this week.   

2) Alaina - Alaina is pottying!  I haven't bought a pack of diapers in well over a week.  I declared this house to be diaper-free.  So, she can wear a diaper or pull up at bedtime and nap but all other times she wears panties.  She also spends quite a bit of nakie time.  I told her she could wear diapers/pullups at the babysitters and Daddy's house, but not here.  She transitioned well into that idea, and has begun using the potty at the other houses too. Yesterday she only needed one pullup at the babysitters because she used the potty all day.  I'm so proud of her and glad that we are making this transition.  

3)  Paige - What to say about Paige..... well she is in that tweendom stage that is so exasperating and energizing all at the same time.  We have those moments where we can't stand each other and have to be in separate rooms, and then the others where she can't wait to share with me all of the secrets and stories of her life, and just talks a mile a minute.  She brought home her progress report from school yesterday, and there are a few grades she could be working harder on.  I'm going to start requiring a little more effort on the school front.  

4) Chelcie - We talk to Chelcie every week, and I miss her dearly.  She is doing very well though - so I'm glad she is in the environment that she is.  Her grades are great - she is studying hard and really putting forth the effort it needs.  She will be turning 16 yrs old in a few weeks, and I just can't believe my baby is growing up so fast.  

5) My Mom - She is retiring!  December 31st is the official day.  I'm so happy for her to make this transition so she can enjoy traveling and all the crafts she loves.  My parents are planning to spend the entire month of February in Florida at my grandmother's house and are also crossing their fingers for tickets to the presidential inauguration in January.

6) The Economy - Wow... what to say.  It is taking its toll on so many, and the state government is no exception.  Work has been crazy as we look at ways to cut costs without hurting programs, a very difficult task.  And, for my personal economic issues... I'm planning on taking a second job very soon.  Still looking and trying to find one that will fit my schedule.  This paycheck-to-paycheck stuff is for the birds!

So, that is the general update on life!  Now that I've caught up, I might actually keep bloggin!   

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Bookworm award

I've been blessed with the Bookworm Award by my friend Anna.

Here is the rule for the award:Pass it on to five other bloggers, and tell them to open the nearest book to page 46. Write out the fifth sentence on that page, and also the next two to five sentences...The CLOSEST BOOK, NOT YOUR FAVORITE, OR MOST INTELLECTUAL!!

Okay - so the closest book to me is Possessions by Judith Michael.  I got this one in a stack of passed-down books from my Dad.  I have no idea what it is about.  So - here goes... 

It was impossible to understand.  Where are you?  Kathering cried silently. This is your family; I shouldn't be here without you... we should be here together.  

Interesting... very interesting.  

So - now the award goes to.... 



And.... I can't think of anyone else who hasn't already been tagged!  If you read my blog and want the award - let me know~ 

Feeling Needy

It is not a fun feeling - something I'm not comfortable with... but it is how I feel today.

I'm feeling like I have more love to give, then people to give it to. More nurturing to offer then people in my life that need nurturing.

I feel kind of raw and emotional.

I'm so used to being in control of my emotions - and having things figured out. And I just don't like this!

It is like my arms and my heart feel empty.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


I'm reading a fiction novel, based on religious fact. Angels and Demons is the prequel to The Davinci Code. While reading, I found some text that I am particularly drawn to. A comfort of sorts for my own spiritual seeking.

"Mr. Langdon, I did no ask you if you believe what man says about God. I asked if you believed in God. There is a difference. Holy scripture is stories...legends and history of man's quest to understand his own ned for meaning. I am not asking you to pass judgment on literature. I am asking if you belive in God. When you lie out under the stars, do you sense the divine? Do you feel in your gut that you are staring up at the work of God's hand?"

"Religion is like language or dress. We gravitate toward the practices with which we were raised. In the end, though, we are all proclaiming the same thing. That life has meaning. That we are grateful for the power that created us."

"Faith is universal. Our specific methods for understanding it are abitrary. Some of us pray to Jesus, some of us go to Mecca, some of us study subatomic particles. In the end we are all just searching for truth, that which is greater than ourselves."

"Science tells me God must exist. My mind tells me I will never understand God. And my heart tells me I am not meant to."

Black Man in an Elevator

Good Stuff here... LOL
Warning - includes swearing

Monday, November 10, 2008

Too much sharing - too quickly

I think I'm going to have to stop blogging about my relationship with Palmer for awhile. Things are down again from the last post and I really don't want this blog to be a record of all my up and down craziness.

My last post indicated that my heart is with him, and in many ways it still is and always will be. But, we realized that things were moving way too fast and we have so many issues to resolve. I'm just not sure where this is going right now, what path I'm on, or where we'll end up.

I do know that happy times are ahead, whether we are together or not.

Friday, November 7, 2008

My baby is three years old!

Alaina turned three years old today. I can't believe it - this seems like such a milestone. She is less toddler and more little kid.

She started her morning by announcing - "Happy Birthday to Me!"

I'll have pictures to add after her birthday party tomorrow, but for now, here are some random things she said today.

"When I wake up, I gonna go outside and see a hippopa-a-mus. And I gonna say hippopa-a-mus"

"Paaaaiiigggeee. Teach me how to use the Cammmm-ra"

"Daddy - I'm three! (and after he mentioned birthday presents) I gonna get a doll, and a new elmo, and new shoes.... new light-up shoes. Daddy? My Dora shoes don't light up!"

"Thank you for the stars mommy" (foil stars for her new reward chart started today)

and best of all...

"Mommy I like you"

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Home is where the heart is

For the first time in my life, I've fully experienced the meaning of that phrase.

Immediately after Palmer moved out of our house, I busied myself with re-decorating and changing the house so that I could feel like home. And it worked for awhile.

But tonight sitting home alone, I began to cry. I knew that the only place that is home for me, is with him and our children.

Home is where the heart is... and my heart is too far away for my comfort.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Goodbye, Doesn't mean a thing with you and I

It has been a crazy few days - with a whirlwind of emotions that has led me down a path I never expected. In the past two days, I've spent hours and hours talking with Palmer. We said things to each other that we've never said, and opened up a long-sealed wall that had been between us. It has felt amazing.

We went on a date tonight. And while we were driving, a song came on that is one of Palmer's favorites. He listened to it with a whole new perspective, realizing that this song is really all about us and what we are going through right now. It is the new "our song."


I don't know what was said, my baby
I thought that everything was fine

You say you got to get away
to find yourself, mmmm

Now lady, can't you tell
it's written all over my face

My days and nights would be a living hell
if you go away

So think about the misery
that you're gonna put me through, ooooooh

Goodbye, Doesn't mean a thing with you and I
Our love has stood through the test of time (Yes it has)

If you're planning to leave me behind, oh
Let me put one more thing on your mind

If you ever need my baby, send for me
I'm just a telephone call away, send for me
Put a message in a bottle baby baby, send for me
Mmmmm, Ooooooo

See you're my everything, sweet baby
My whole world revolves around you

Nothing is what I am,
without you here in my life


Send for me
Send for me
Send for me